Avoid at all costs
by MinibooExtreme
Summary: Avoid at all costs and whatever you do, do not gain their attention – that means you Harry! Hermione gave Harry a rather simple list, pity that he never lost his ability to find trouble, or in this case everyone on the list.
1. Sherlock Holmes

**1\. Sherlock Holmes**

Harry was in a slight spot of trouble.

He had met up with Dudley in a London pub for their monthly catch up. Deciding that it was a nice enough night he decided to walk home.

So far, so normal.

What was not normal was tripping over two bodies that had just landed in front of him, one having tackled the other just as they had exited the ally way.

What was even worse was as he fell he had uttered "Oh Merlin."

A third person who was breathing heavily had helped Harry up which brought him to his current predicament.

The tackler had been looking at him ever since he had mentioned Merlin. Said tackler was also on the 'Avoid at all costs and whatever you do, do not gain their attention – that means you Harry!' (Hermione thought he needed the list due to being a trouble magnet, or something like that – he hadn't really been paying attention when she was lecturing him about it).

Said tackler was one Sherlock Holmes.

"Don't let him go, John." Sherlock told him, having cuffed the man he tackled.

"Sorry about that." John told Harry, letting him go despite Sherlock protesting. "Sherlock, he's done nothing wrong and at this time of night I'm sure he wants no part of your games and to go home."

John might have been project a touch of what he was feeling, but he was sure that the stranger he had stopped didn't want to be anywhere but home.

"I'll be on my way." Harry told them, deciding his best course of action was to try and pretend this never happened.

"Tea!" Sherlock yelled.

Cue three confused looks.

"You are still of the drugs, Sherlock?" John asked.

Jumping up Sherlock grabbed Harry's arm and started to drag him to the road, hailing a taxi.

"Sherlock! This is kidnapping." John protested. "And what about the man you tackled?"

"It's polite to offer guests tea." Sherlock stated.

"But he isn't our guest and there is still the matter of the cuffed man." John told Sherlock.

"Lestrade will be on top of him before we get into the taxi, honestly John I take my work seriously." Sherlock replied.

Having successfully hailed a taxi, Sherlock was now pushing Harry into it at the same time Lestrade tripped over the cuffed man. "There you go John, problem solved."

Sighing John entered the taxi after Sherlock muttering apologies to the stranger again, who had the same resigned look on his face as John was sure was on his.

Harry meanwhile, having decided he was too tipsy to protest to being man-handled or escape had decided to go with the flow. Maybe he should have stopped drinking before the Tequila.

\- 221B Baker Street -

John was sorting out tea for three while Sherlock was pacing in front of the stranger they had bumped into earlier.

Harry was definitely regretting the Apple Sourz he had had after the Tequila. He was definitely going to have a hangover in the morning.

"Sorry again about him, I'm John Watson." Harry turned to look at the man who had helped him up.

"Harry Potter." He said, gratefully receiving a cup of tea. Earl Grey if the smell was anything to go by.

"As in Remus's Harry?" John asked.

"You knew Remus?" Harry asked.

"Grew up with him, we used to meet up every few months when we were in London. Last I heard from him he had just had a baby boy" John told him.

"Teddy." Harry smiled sadly.

"You are Remus's Harry then." John confirmed.

"He died." There was no easy way of breaking the news and looking at John's face he had not known.

"How?"

"Peter!" Harry almost spat the name out.

"The rat?"

Harry jerked his head to look at John properly. He was fairly sure that the man in front of him was muggle, so how did he know about Peter being a rat.

"How?"

"How do I know? Remus was my cousin, my father was a squib. When Remus was home for the summer, he used to have his friends over. James and Peter more than Sirius, as Sirius would have to sneak out."

"You knew Sirius Black? The notorious escapee? John why didn't you tell me? I've been after Lestrade to pass me the case details and here you are hording details." Sherlock complained, butting into the conversation.

"Sherlock, I met Sirius a handful of times in my youth. There was not hording and how am I meant to know what side cases you're on? You never tell me." John told him.

"It doesn't matter now anyway." Harry told them, slouching further into the couch only to sit up and looked round when the door opened.

"Mycroft! Go away, I'm busy." Sherlock whined, instantly dismissing him.

"I'm would be delighted to, as soon as Mr Potter is ready to leave I shall drop him home." Mycroft stated, moving into the room, his shadow following, barely looking up from her phone to make sure there were no threats in the room.

"This is my puzzle, Mycroft. I saw him first!" Sherlock glared at his brother, who unperturbed sat in Sherlock's chair.

"Sherlock, you could be arrested for kidnapping."

Harry was the only one to move as John started chocking.

"Wrong pipe." John gasped out as Harry hit his back a few times.

"No spell to stop people chocking?" Sherlock asked. Seeing the looks of shock directed at him he carried on, "When you have eliminated all which is impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth"

It was at this point that Harry decided he needed to go into hiding, Hermione was going to kill him and while he didn't necessarily know how she would find out he was sure that she would. She always knew when he was in trouble.

Making an illegal Porkey Harry decided that Switzerland sounded like a good idea. They were neutral and protect him.

Right?


	2. Vala

**2\. Vala**

Harry had gotten a feeling Hermione was on his tail after a fortnight in Switzerland. It was time to move on.

Finding a map of the world he threw a dart at it, after missing more times than he'd like to admit Harry decided to randomly point and the map. This worked better, on his sixth attempt he stopped pointing at a body of water. Dudley had made him watch Jaws last month.

Colorado in the United States of America it was.

The first thing Harry noticed was that, while technically they were on the right-hand side of the road, the cars where driving on the wrong side of the road.

The second thing he noticed was two women, a blonde and a brunette looking at him like he had appeared out of thin air.

"Sam did you see that! You didn't tell me you still had wizards on Earth!" The brunette exclaimed.

"Vala, we only got briefed the other day." Sam told her.

Harry almost groaned, he was sure that Vala was another name on Hermione's 'Avoid at all costs and whatever you do, do not gain their attention – that means you Harry!' list.

"Do you think the pyramids still have real curses on them?"

"There is no such thing as magic, he teleported."

"So he's a real wizard; they've gotten cuter then the ones in Qetesh's memories."

Harry was too stunned to offer any resistance to Vala grabbing his arm and dragging him to a big building.

"You and I are going to have a blast; you look like you went shopping by yourself last time." Sending a look of pure helplessness to Sam, Harry realized he was out of luck when he saw her on her phone.

At this rate Hermione would find him before evening, he was fairly sure his name was flagged as special in any country with a Ministry of some sort. Not to mention that they seemed to know about wizards. Did the American's not know about the Statute of Secrecy? Was nothing sacred anymore? And no, Harry did not think he was being melodramatic.

Looking back round, after almost tripping for the fourth time Harry noticed his wallet in Vala's hand. Surely she won't be able to spend all his money.

Six hours later, a slightly put out Vala that she hadn't managed to max out a card for the first time and a very put out Harry that he had been tortured for the last six hours (now he was being melodramatic, but really, who knew there were that many clothes to try on in one sitting) were seated in a SUV. There were two new people in the front, one with peppered hair and one with gold tattooed on his forehead. They had introduced themselves as 'Cornel Jack O'Neill' and 'T'elc'.

Harry had also managed to get his wallet back and was holding onto it for dear life. Just because the shopaholic hadn't managed to spend all his money this time didn't mean he would give her the chance to try again.

"So, Harry, you're a real live wizard celebrity?" Jack asked.

"No, Mr Army Man, I'm a ballerina." Harry had found the philosophy: 'ask a silly question get a silly answer' was a thing when talking to reporters; it was amazing how gullible they were.

"I'm in the Air Force young man, not the Army." Jack told him.

"What's the difference?" Harry asked, when in doubt wind them up (unless it's Hermione for obvious reasons of wanting to stay breathing).

"The difference is that I can boot you to another Galaxy and not feel guilty about it."

"Another Galaxy? Which one? Andromeda? Draco Dwarf?" Harry asked.

"One with weird Vampires."

"Sir!" Sam was fairly sure that Jack was not meant to trying to scare Harry.

"What? He's allowed to know. He was going to be briefed a week ago but disappeared the night before." Jack stated, purposely ignoring the intended meaning.

"So that meeting with Kingsley was important? I thought it was a trap set by Hermione." Harry said.

"Hermione? Is she a brunette bookworm?"

"That's her."

"She was at the meeting, I'll forgive your 'Army Man' comment, she's was muttering most of the meeting about where she thought you could be. Everyone else mentioned at the end after she stalked out that they wouldn't stand between her getting to you."

"Cowards!"

"She did seem determined, Harry Potter." T'elc told him.

"You have to help hide me, there's no telling what she'll do!" Harry was almost at the point of pleading.

"Well, there is one place I can think of where she won't be able to find you." Jack told Harry.

"Sir!"

"Sam, you heard him. He wants some help, who am I to hinder him?"

"Where am I going?" Harry asked.

\- In front of a blue fluctuating circle-

"And this leads to another Galaxy?"

"It leads to a half-way point and then onto another Galaxy." Sam told him.

"Cool."

\- Briefing Room after Harry has left for Pegasus -

"Sir, this was more than the 'Army Man' comment deserved."

"He missed an important meeting, a meeting that I was unable to get out of."

"And because of that you send him to McKay?"

"Think of it as Karma."

"Sir, no one deserves that as punishment."

"I'm sure Shepherd will rein McKay in if he gets too bad."

"…"

Behind them Vala hatching 'evil' plans as she threw a wallet into the air before catching it.


End file.
